S.E.E.D. Đông Bắc - AWESOME one!

Namphuong Tran:

I can’t believe that my voice is still gone!! How is this even possible? :-/ I woke up this morning with the FULL intention of cleaning the house (it still has papers and SEED materials on the floor), unpacking, deleting the SEED files from my lap top, as well as doing laundry. As great as my intentions of cleaning are….I realized my mild case of “post DH depression disorder” (hahaha, get it….post traumatic stress) is more severe than anticipated. I would delete the files, then extract them back out to look at something, put the SEED papers into the trash then take it back out with an excuse to save it for next year. (Ohhhh and just to let you know, ALL the SEED files have a second copy in my external HD which I am keeping for future planning…so truly, there is no reason to get this sentimental!!!). Overall, I realized how surreal it is for me that SEED 2011 over. With all the planning for over ½ a year, SEED has now become my second nature. I use to wake up thinking about SEED, sleep thinking about SEED and god knows how many times during the day I am working on SEED. This is my second year doing SEED, but somehow this year I feel the impact a lot more. It seemed like the first year God planted a SEED inside of me and left it for me to ponder. This YEAR, this SEED has developed, roots has grown deep and wrapped itself all around me. It has now become my comfort and support.
I decided to stop fighting myself and seek Professional help for my “Post DH Depression Disorder”. I offered God some tea and a place to sit next to me for our chat (have to at least offer him tea, since he is doing this for free after-all…Pro Bono! ;-) This is how my therapy session with GOD went…..

ME: God, I feel a bit lost now that SEED is over. What am I going to do with myself?

GOD: …..silent…..(he is SOO good at this therapy stuff, letting me answer my own question..)

ME: I was so hesitant about doing SEED, so many times during the planning process I wanted to flip out and quit. I thought NOTHING can worth all these dramas and headaches. With ½ the energy I put in SEED, I can finish planning for the entire year of prison ministry, as well as plan most of the meetings ideas for the GDTT youth group. Anyhow, even with all my complaints…. something in me kept on telling me to hang on. Every time I am getting angry, I see my god-daughter and my nephews smiling faces comfort me and encourage me to do this for them. A week before SEED, as I sat there compiling everyone’s Talks, writting out the final schedule, I suddenly felt relieved and excited. This year SEED is going to be AWESOME!!!! I started to check the weather every chance I get…. I think I was even more obsessed with the weather for SEED, than the weather for my own wedding. All the activities we have are outdoor! Storm Irene played with all the leaders’ nerves. We could not stop texting one another!!!:::“oh yes! she is heading NW……oh no! she is heading NE…25% rain….70% rain….OH NO! The president called STATE emergency!” Even with Irene glooming over us, all the leaders left work Wed and started our drive to NJ. We continued to pray and tried our best to LET GO & LET GOD. We realized that we have done the best we can, and now it is time to let God take over. …..
( I looked at my therapist,…. with my eyes, I half asked him if he was proud of us at our attempt to letting go……half pouting to let him know, that I did not appreciate the roller coaster ride. He caused us much headaches…heartaches….. with storm Irene)

GOD: …..silent…..chuckles…..nodding his head in acknowledgment of my frustration…..chuckles…..silent.


ME: Now knowing that Irene is coming full blast, leader team sat back down and started to pray for new backup ideas. We pretty much made a 2nd schedule and ran to Walmart to buy new materials. We even had a good LAUGH when we saw the commotion of everyone in Walmart, struggling to stock-up shopping for the storm. God HAVE to be with us, if we are brave enough to head INTO a storm when everyone is in hiding.

GOD:…..chuckles …nodding his head to tell me he was with us.

ME: Well, finally we made it to the retreat site. We had exactly 4 hours to set up so we scrambled.
It was quite a sight to see….leaders and coordinators running around like chickens....getting mad at each other because slide shows wouldn’t work properly….people singing too fast, drums beating too slow….going over schedule to do last minute changes….setting up for last minute, unplanned bon fire tonight since tomorrow night will be raining….Overall, it was definitely a chaotic sight to see! For me, I started to get annoyed at my voice. How can I be, the female lead-singer when I’m loosing my voice? (Really God? Anything else you want to throw at us?) With all the chaos, the Leader team started to forget a bit of our “Let Go & Let God” motto. Before the retreatants came in, we realized we needed to regroup and refocus. We sat, holding hands and prayed with all our hearts. We prayed for the ability to let go and let God works, we prayed to be his hands and feet, we prayed for peace within ourselves.
The first song we sang was Hosanna by Hillsongs, after some practice we told the retreatants to sing as the band back off. When I heard their voices sing louder and louder “Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the higest”….and at that moment…I thought my heart would break. They sang: “ I see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith, with selfless faith”…..and tears swelled up in my eyes….I looked back at my strong body building brother-in-law, and saw that he too, was on the verge of crying. At THAT moment, I saw GOD SAVED us from all our worries, all our fears. I saw him taking the ENTIRE SEED in his arms. My stubborn heart was breaking, so that his love can give me a new heart. Who cares if I loose my voice, now that the retreatants are gaining theirs!

GOD: ……silent…..patting me on my hand to tell me he really did took us in his arms…..

ME: Well, the rest of the retreat went extremely well. It did not go according to OUR plans, but it definitely went according to GOD plan. Every time something annoying or distracting came up, I found myself praying and asking God to help me refocus. At one time during prayer, I took out my wedding ring and saw “GOD THUNK !” engraved inside, and AGAIN I was reminded of his LOVE…his BIG SLEEVES with lots of TRICKS. Wow!!! Now that I’m saying this aloud, I realized how common this reminder is in my life. Why is it that my memory is so short? My Faith so thin? I am in constant need of reminding to LET GO & LET GOD! I try to send the message of Faith to the SEED retreatants, but here I am still learning the message. Thank goodness God is patient and continues to remind me. WOW….I really can be annoying!!! GOD is AMAZING!!

GOD:…..laughing out loud at my silliness.

ME: Saturday night as I am in a corner thinking about my Talk for tomorrow, and helping the team taping the 9 and ½ feet tall Goliaths on the walls, I was excited. I opened my mouth to talk. but realized my voice was almost all gone. I felt my heart sank. I worked so hard on this talk, I have fought for it, had sleepless night for it, gathered 110 rocks, lugged it home, painted 2 giant Goliaths…..and now I can’t present it? This is so unfair. This Talk was my baby, my love. I gathered my notes, and felt a sad yearning as I handed my talk over to Levi, and told him to do whatever he wants with it. With my scratchy voice I could never make the Talk exciting. Again, I learned the lesson of “letting go”. Sunday morning, as I sat with the kids observing my other half delivered Talk 3, I was flabbergasted! The talk was better than I could ever imagine. Boy was I proud! Once he was done, and I stood to give the final wrap up for retreat, and I took my message to heart. I reminded them of what we learned this weekend:
- Jesus is :King, Prophet and Priest. He taught us the beatitudes so we can be just like him.
-We made crowns and shields with jewels of our Faith, so we too, can be our Father’s Prince and Princesses
- We learned of Moses, our Patron Saints and their journeys to Holiness.
- We learned of God as our rock, and like with David, he will help us defeat our “personal Goliath”
- We decorated our own rock with God’s words of wisdoms, and in prayers that God will be our rock, and one day we can be the rock he build his church on.
- We gathered all of our rocks and build a pyramid of a faith community.
- We learned that we are never alone. With God as our corner-stone and with our community support…DH CLC support we can be powerful and strong…we can be A Church.
So yes, I took my message to heart. I feel blessed and love to be a part of such a community of Faith. I felt my Faith solidify into the rock I hold in my hand.
WOW!! This therapy session is going GREAT!! I am feeling better…….

GOD:…..Laughing……

ME: So this morning I woke up, and realized my voice is still gone, it has been 3 days since SEED why is it still gone? I got bored and went online. Since we have so many teenagers this year, we now have a SEED facebook blog. I checked the blog, and behold! I found a couple of teenagers talking about the next theme for SEED!... WOW! They are FAST!! At the beginning of the retreat, most of my team (the Giraffe, the oldest group, 14-19 yrs old) rolled their eyes, complained and complained that their parents made them come to SEED ……..now, they are the ones who is writing on the SEED blog, coming up with the next year theme and wanting to meet again! !! Our SEED is growing faster than the Empress Tree (one of the fastest growing tree in the world). Now, I know why my voice is gone…I need to be quieter so that the future of SEED can find their own voice. I spoke to the teens last Friday, about how one day they will be the Leader Team, they laughed at me and think I am silly….but boy…. little did they know, God has his plan for them. YOU GO GOD!!!!

GOD: ….BEAMING with pride and chuckling at his own perfect plan.

ME: Well God, thanks for listening and helping me realize that my “Post DH Depression” is part of growing pain. This is a new stage of growth for our community. I pray that you continue to use us as your instruments. We will continue to do our best to be your workers, but at the same time know when to stop and let you do the rest.

GOD & ME: …..hugging it out :- ) :- ) …..trời ơi, cho Chúa uống trà để làm gi không biết! toàn là mình nói không à, khan cả tiếng……thôi đi uống nước chanh và mật ong đây ;- )

How beneficial that therapy session was for me! I am now ready to clean out the old clutters, to make space for new adventures. I want to thank you cac Anh Chi, cac Em SEED, cac Leaders and GOD for journeying with me and allowing me to journey with you. I feel extremely privilege, blessed and loved.

In His Love,
Namphuong Tran (…Cún Boston :-)
Retreat Leader