MRW 13 Reflection - 3

Marriage Renewal Workshop
October 2010, Orange, California

The young couple lightly nudges each other in front of us in the dimly-lit chapel. The warm sweet scent of burning candles and their flickering flames lend an atmosphere of serenity to our gathering. In a slow and gentle tone of voice, they take turn sharing some of the most personal and defining moments in their journey as a married couple together. In respect and complete silence, we follow along in their stories of heartaches, trying moments as well as triumphant love for each other.

This couple is not hired professional speakers or lecturers. They are just an ordinary couple who believes in sharing their marital experiences with us in hope of strengthen our own in this Marriage Renewal weekend. In their sharing, we feel a sense of complete openness and honesty. We laugh with them at some of their silliest incidents. We cry with them at some of the most painful hurts they have afflicted each other. Their sharing goes on, through sobs and occasional pauses of emotional swelling.

And so it continues throughout our weekend retreat. One couple after another, most are young, some are young at heart. All lay bare their most profound moments in their marriage for all to hear, and learn, and laugh and weep together. Their sharing is totally personal and genuine. The kind of sharing that may never have been whispered to closest family members. The kind of sharing that is too timid to have been spoken to the best of friends. It is so candid and courageous. And that is what makes our Marriage Renewal so powerful and touching. It unites us in recognizing the deep joy and struggles of marriage.

In between these featured couples, we have our best laughs with our own volunteers at each table discussion. Here we ourselves take turn sharing stories of our own marriages, complete with warts and all. And in the end, we have given each other the gift of honesty and openness. Through each other’s sharing, we see that the warts of our marriage are no more than gnarls on a tree. They beautify and strengthen the trunk of the tree.

The sharing we gift to each other is both inspiring and soothing. It reminds us we are never alone. And as bad as it may feel at times, it pales in comparison to how much we have in common and cherish. What we have built up together and the children we have raised are well beyond and more precious than what we could have done separately. Those sharings are the best experience of our weekend.

The other best thing about our weekend is how much tender loving care being bestowed on us. From our first sit-down meal, which is served enthusiastically by volunteers who happen to be at my parents’ age. While I don’t remember what is being served, I do remember being surprised at a plethora of condiments that accompany it. A little bowl of chopped cilantro here, then another of fried shallots there. Nearby is another bowl of cut green pepper. Another one is for crushed red pepper. There is another one for fish sauce. And a different one for spicy fish sauce. There is yet another one for thinly cut green onion and another one for wedges of lemon, … It amazes me that somebody really takes the time and meticulous efforts to treat us as treasured guests in their home.

This same level of attention to detail continues to endear us the next two days. The youth group treats us to a candle-lit dinner complete with professional portrait photography for each couple. These young people have somehow impressively turned our seminar hall into a romantic restaurant setting with fine china, live music and white-shirt waiters/waitresses. Against the background of soft music whispered into the microphone by our young hostess singers, I look across our table of seafood and steak cuisine sparkled in between by glasses of champagne and have to remind myself that I only sign up for a weekend retreat.

Back in the chapel, we share moments of reflection of our journey together. There are beautiful ceremonies with inspiration and aspiration with the rocks to urge and nudge each other. Then we scrape off the sand in gesture to wipe away hurts and to show forgiveness. We rekindle our vow to each other. And we savor more moments of silence in the stillness of God. Those moments remind us of the most important asset we have, our children. And we realize the most important asset we can leave for them is not their college fund, or their inheritance, or what we do for them. It is the quality of our relationship with each other, through their eyes.

Our weekend is blessed with a group of loving friends who have poured out their hearts to remind us each couple that what we have is more valuable that we first thought. They remind that our marriage is a gift from God which needs to be cherished and celebrated more often and more deeply. From the featured couples who spend endless hours preparing the materials and setting aside their own families to serve us, the unsung heroes who tenderly churn out home-made gourmet foods to nourish our body, to the young people who invest in substantial amount of sweats and labor, to all the people who provide logistical support, to the people on the team and friends who keep us in their thoughts/prayers, and for all those who make it possible in other ways, we are truly grateful.

And all those little and big things that are done for us in this Marriage Renewal weekend, they speak volume and constitute the most eloquent definition of the Sacrament of Marriage any married couple could have asked to hear.

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